Dilemmas-Changes-Life
Aaahhh … deep breaths, deep breaths. It’s been all about inhaling deep on the fresh air. Been so MIA recently from all life aspects but also focusing on something very important. Shift. Change.
I made a few big changes in my life recently. I moved cities, leaving my parents house where I had been living for almost the entirety of 2020 to be with them through the pandemic. And I moved to a completely new city, next to the mountains and boy oh boy has it opened a new perspective, a new feel, a new fresh vibe. Feeling good and motivated and ... happy.
So in other news, I had been going through a bit of a mental debate recently with a number of things (work stuff, relationship stuff, personal perception stuff..) but specifically with my views on vaccination through the lens of what I consider to be my core beliefs and how I view life. And [DISCLAIMER} this article isn’t a prologue to what anyone out there should do, or judging people doing one or the other, I mean I’m myself caught between two sides of the story and can’t decide and it’s not for the same motives as probably other people taking one or the other option.
So here’s the thing, I was planning on getting myself an appointment to get the vaccine against this horrible virus and while I had been doing all my research like the “OCD” Aqua that I am and reading all about the various types of vaccies and the research results around each; acknowledging it’s a new type of vaccine that basically trains your cells to create certain proteins vs actually putting a dead or weakened piece of the virus into the body to make the body react and create anti-bodies for it… etc, etc.. and I decided I was still super pro it for a good week, decided on Pfizer, scheduled the appointment, etc, etc. Then 3 days before the appointment I call my parents to check in on them since we hadn’t spoken in a little over a week.. and I tell them I’m planning on getting vaccinated in 3 days, and my mom (won’t go into the details of my parents refusing to get vaccinated and why, etc) asks me why? And I’m like “why not?!” at my initial response, and we go into this debate where she calls out the things I had already researched about, this being an mRNA type of vaccy a type never actually used for anything else before, short period of trials, long-term effects are unknown and the “who knows what these guys are putting into our bodies to test something..” and I respond to all this with “well I dont’t believe that someone can modify anything in my body or make my body do something, unless I believe it in my head to be true and I give them permission thereby” . We kind of end the conversation on that I will think some more about it and went onto other topics then closed the conversation.
Now the thing I got stuck with in my head after that event (few days back) is: Do I truly believe this statement? And if I do, then why do I believe I needed the vaccine in the first place, if truly nothing can change my body and my cells without my permission, neither could the virus if it had entered. Is it because I don’t want to be a spreading factor? But if I were to be, the virus had to live in my for a good while so it could pass onto to other hosts… so if my body could eliminate it to begin with, if my body was a sterile place for this virus, then it could have not survived at all enough to spread onto other hosts.. And of course I kept spiralling into these thoughts about more than just the vaccine, but my whole life, how I view everything through the lens of this belief, like what I should be eating or shouldn’t be eating, whether or not I should be doing something that’s “good for myself” or not.. and I lost it for a bit I’ll admit it’s too much to think of all at the same time.
So I gave myself a break, canceled my vaccy appointment and continue to do my due diligence as I have been to avoid being a spreader factor and avoid getting infected, whether truly my body would karate-chop this virus if it had entered it w/o any hard to my own system, or not and continue to try to figure my shit out in life but one topic at a time…
I am in such a good mental, emotional and physical space here, in the place I live now, that I need to use this fuel and clear and arrange all the other things in my life, one little step at a time and I wholeheartedly hope that everyone has the chance to do so, or at least acknowledge the need to make a change towards that in life and remove themselves from places, or situations that are not fulfilling, and empowering!
Happy SUNday all!! ☀️
