How is this my life?

This week. This past week. This past month, maybe past year, maybe my entire life, haha… Oh boy has it been the epitome of ups and downs and waves.. but you know what apparently works about the waves? It’s useful for a surfer to get back to the shore by riding the wave.

You can’t fight it because it will take you down, but if you use it, you can get back to the shore and start again perfecting your technique.

I’ve been spending a lot of time recently exploring the idea of how to use the wave in every situation to get back to the shore. And it’s been hard and yeah until you learn how to ride the wave better, … sure you may fall, you hit a rock, scratch and bruise for a bit, but getting back up and turning it into a learning lesson for tomorrow, for a better successful “tomorrow” is what makes it all worth it. Also I am being 200% metaphorical here since I don’t even know how to surf but I use my friends lives as metaphors.

Aaaaaanywaay, kinda on the WHY I had been thinking about my life in retrospect and in general as whole, rather than segments and sequence of events in certain age categories, is because of a number of absolutely random ( or not \_(ツ)_/¯ ) reasons.  I’ll only call out 2 main ones :)

One reason is I had been watching these guys’ YouTube channel HERE (*disclaimer it has a lot of triggering content, hell, maybe the rest of this post might have a ton of triggering content-so just be ware). And I have binge-watched probably over 200 of their prob. 300/400 something videos in the span of a few weeks. And I would watch one post every wake-free minute of my day.  What it is essentially is an expose/interview of/with people who have or have had some sort of addiction and/or are essentially living  a law-less life and I think most of them live on Skid Row LA. 

Some people in the comments argue that some may inflate their stories bc they know they’ll show up online and whatever.. that is possible but not the point here. The point is the lives these people live and the life experiences they recount and unfathomable to someone, like me for example, who’s lived a simple middle class life with little to no personal context of this kind (drug use, abuse, abusive parents, etc). And man, it changes your perspective on life and it makes you wonder.. How 2 almost completely opposed worlds can exist at the same time and for some people not even making the contact to acknowledge either  side exists. 

And it got me spinning in my head around the idea that this is LIFE, this is ALSO life, this is how some people live their lives and call it like that. It just goes to show how much of everything that is out there, around us, is shaped by our own decisions, perceptions, but also by our environment and the cards we are dealt with.  

So, the second reason is I had been “obsessing” a little bit on the topic of “nawalism”, “toltecayotl” and the anahuac culture and their language. I’ve gotten here through a long series of weird links and events which basically sum up to me being somehow drawn to Mexican language, culture, politics, etc. I just always felt I had to have been “from there” in another life. And so most recently, though I had this fascination about learning Nawatl /Nahua language I never truly  understood what it was about until I started going to the roots. Asking myself who are these guys, where do Mexicans come from? Who were these people before the Spanish conquest? And who was there even before the Aztecs, as we only seem to refer to Mexican/Mezoamerican  cultures as being Mayan or Aztec, but who was there before them?

So anyway, long story short I started looking for historical documents of first written testaments of populations on the current Mexican territory, and looking for Mexican documentaries about their own history and culture.  I landed with the concept of Nawalism and Toltequity (Toltecayotl) and I will leave some references HERE and HERE in Spanish for whoever is interested.  And one more related to the same subject in English HERE.

But I ended up looking at concepts of archaic shamanistic practices and cosmogonies and practices that have struck such a cord for me- more than anything else ever before. I won’t detail everything here, this post is already like 2 pages long, but it shook the way I looked at myself and my own life overall.

So how is THIS my life?  And I keep juggling with this concept since late December. And for some reason I keep getting redirected , by the things I read, come across on the internet, hear about, or books people recommend to me, to this idea that links to this nawalism concept of oneness that is so difficult for us to understand and coordinate, just because, the mind is trying to keep itself rational and functioning to ensure its livelihood right? But if there’s a way to reach this point of opening and elevating perception through experience of every other aspect in life that we otherwise take for granted, like breathing, blinking, seeing, smelling, eating, etc.. and be conscious of everything that’s outside of us being part of the same energy cycle coming and going through us like a recycle filter -what if that actually explained our own lives and the purpose of it? 

I’ve definitely have not gotten to a final conclusion or “The Pure Truth” with all this by any means, but I just get these glimpses of awareness where I wonder if anything makes sense if we apply it to the concept of perception and awareness of everything in our environment at least 3% more than we normally are on a day-to-day basis. And will it ultimately bring me/us closer to “life purpose”?

I guess what  I’m saying is , it’s sometimes amazing to realize that we seemingly live these separate lives (separate by language, culture, customs, skin color, eye shape, animals, birds, insects, plants, etc) but we fail to recognize the underlying question Are we all really ONE? 

Does any of this even make any sense if we ween’t just separated in perception but really an experience of the same ONE THING?